


Team Fortress 2: Whatsapp Messenger.

by This_Is_Alias



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: (Though I suck at humour), Hilarity, Humour, I'll just add more tags later, Long Cease-fire, M/M, Missing Toys, Scout & Spy (Team Fortress 2) - Freeform, Sniper's Koala, Whatsapp Messenger, stupidity at its finest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-10
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 20:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2595383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Is_Alias/pseuds/This_Is_Alias
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The mercenaries get whatsapp. Demoman's too drunk to type properly, Heavy's fingers are too large to press anything. Soldier uses the group chats as an advantage to wake the team up for trainings. Bromance, dates and hilarity ensues. Sniper's koala bear toy goes missing and guess who is holding him captive and over what?<br/>I don't own TF2 or Whatsapp. Please read :D My first multi-chapter fiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ Can someone explain what 'bookmarking' and 'hits' are?  
> And OBVIOUSLY they don't have their accents here because they are typing.

_**A/N: I tried resisting the urge. I’m sorry**_.

Group Chat [MAGGOTS!]: Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper and Spy

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP, MAGGOTS!

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP

[4.01am] SOLDIER: WAKE UP!!!

[4.01AM] SOLDIER: MAN UP, LADIES! WE HAV A WAR 2 FIGHT FOR AMERICA!

[4.02am] ENGINEER: Solly, the war is between Redmond and Blutarch, not America and the Nazis.

[4.02am] ENGINEER: How many times must I repeat myself?

[4.02am] SOLDIER: Haha! LIES!

[4.02am] SOLDIER: AMERICA FOREVA!

[4.02am] SCOUT: SOLDIER SHUT UP

[4.02am] SPY: I agree with Scout for once.

[4.02am] SPY: It was a mistake giving you my number.

[4.02am] SPY: Plus, today is a ceasefire day.

[4.02am] SOLDIER: THAT IS WHY TODAY

[4.02am] SOLDIER: WE R WAKIGN UP EARLY TO TRAIN

[4.02am] SNIPER: *waking

[4.02am] SOLDIER: WHATEVER, MAGGPT!

[4.02am] SNIPER: *maggot.

[4.02am] SPY: There is no point, bushman.

[4.03am] SPY: I’m surprised he can even spell those words.

[4.03am] SCOUT: CAN ALL OF YOU SHUT UP.

[4.03am] SCOUT: I M TRYING 2 SLEEP

[4.03am] SCOUT: THANKS.

[4.03am] SOLDIER: U WILL GET YOUR BUTT OVER TO THE TRAININH ROOM

[4.03am] SOLDIER: NOW

[4.03am] SOLDIER: ALL OF U

[4.03am] SNIPER: *training

_Medic left the group_

[4.03am] SPY: That was smart. Why didn’t I think of it before?

[4.03am] SNIPER: Because you’re a bloody spook.

[4.03am] SPY: And you are a filthy jar man.

_Spy left the group_

_Sniper left the group_

[4.03am] SCOUT: Bye, suckers!

_Scout left the group_

_Pyro left the group_

[4.03am] ENGINEER: Sorry, Solly.

_Engineer left the group_

_Demoman left the group_

[4.04am] SOLDIER: MAGGOTS!

[4.04am] SOLDIER: U all run frm me, the gr8 terror! [4.04am] SOLDIER: I will not leave this grp!

[4.04am] SOLDIER: Unlike all of u

[4.04am] SOLDIER: MAGGOTS

 

Private Chat: Sniper and Scout

[5.45am] SNIPER: Ok, Scoot

[5.45am] SNIPER: No games.

[5.45am] SNIPER: Where is Mr Koala?

[5.46am] SCOUT: YOU NAMED IT MR KOALA?

[5.46am] SCOUT: WTF

[5.46am] SCOUT: OMG SNIPER

[5.46am] SCOUT: PROFESSIONSL MY FOOT

[5.46am] SNIPER: Shut up, ankle biter

[5.46am] SNIPER: I know you took it

[5.46am] SCOUT: Y me?

[5.46am] SCOUT: I didn’t take it.

[5.46am] SNIPER: You are the only one who knows of his existence!

[5.46am] SCOUT: U mean

[5.46am] SCOUT: Only I hav seen that bear of urs?

[5.47am] SNIPER: KOALA

[5.47am] SNIPER: RETURN IT ALREADY

[5.47am] SNIPER: YOU BLOODY WANKA

[5.47am] SCOUT: I s2g

[5.47am] SCOUT: I

[5.47am] SCOUT: Did

[5.47am] SCOUT: Not

[5.47am] SCOUT: Take

[5.47am] SCOUT: It

[5.47am] SNIPER: Then who did?

[5.47am] SCOUT: How shld I noe?

 

Group Chat [Official Chat]: Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper and Spy

[6.30am] ENGINEER: Hey, fellas! I’m making bacon and eggs. If you want some, say so.

[6.30am] SPY: No thanks, Engineer.

[6.30am] SPY: I will not indulge myself in edible heart-attacks.

[6.31am] SPY: Your American food are very fatty and filled with oil 

[6.31am] SOLDIER: YES.

[6.31am] SOLDIER: GOOD AMERICAN FOOD. WITH LOTS OF OIL. DRIPPING WITH PROCESSED CRUDE OIL

[6.31am] SOLDIER: THAT IS WHR AMERICANS GET THEIR ENERGY FROM

[6.31am] SOLDIER: OUR FOREFATHERS ATE THAT FOOD AND BUILT AMERICA AND MANY MEN DIED FOR THE RECIPES

[6.31am] SOLDIER: VICTORY FOR AMERICA

[6.31am] SCOUT: Can the admin kick Soldier out? Thanks

[6.31am] SCOUT: And, hardhat, I’d like some bacon.

[6.31am] SOLDIER: MAGGOT

[6.31am] SOLDIER: YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO AMERICA

[6.31am] ENGINEER: Okay, Scout.

[6.31am] PYRO: Mmmph mmph. Huddah huddah

[6.31am] SCOUT: Jeez, Mumbles speak mumbles and TYPES it too?

[6.31am] SCOUT: Repeat after me!

[6.31am] SCOUT: MMMPPHH MPPPHHH HUDDAH MMMPH

[6.31am] ENGINEER: That isn’t very nice, Scout.

[6.31am] SCOUT: Ok.

[6.32am] ENGINEER: Son

[6.32am] ENGINEER: Did they teach you any manners back in Boston?

[6.32am] SCOUT: OH GAWD

[6.32am] SCOUT: FIRST SPY CALLS ME SON

[6.32am] SCOUT: AND NOW U?

[6.32am] ENGINEER: Whaaaat?

[6.32am] ENGINEER: That wasn’t what I meant!

_Scout has left the group._

[6.32am] MEDIC: Why should I keep creating team groups when you all keep fighting in it and end up leaving?

_Scout was added into the group._

[6.32am] SCOUT: What?

_Scout has left the group._

_Scout was added into the group._

_Scout has left the group._

_Scout was added into the group._

_Scout has left the group._

_Scout was added into the group._

_Scout has left the group._

_Scout was added into the group._

_Scout has left the group. Scout was added into the group_. 

[6.33am] ENGINEER: ENOUGH

[6.33am] ENGINEER: I’m sorry for calling ya ‘son’, partner. But I didn’t know you’d be so affected.

[6.33am] ENGINEER: And so, I apologise again.

[6.33am] SCOUT: Ok.

[6.33am] SCOUT: I still want my bacon.

[6.33am] ENGINEER: Sure thing,

[6.33am] ENGINEER: ‘Son’

[6.34am] SCOUT: WELL DAMN U, HARD AHT

[6.34am] SNIPER: *hat

[6.34am] SPY: Lol.

[6.34am] SPY: And bushman, you can stop correcting all our mistakes.

[6.34am] SPY: It is irritatinf since you don’t even have proper manners in the first place.

[6.34am] SNIPER: *irritating

[6.34am] SPY: I mean: YOU LIVE IN A VAN

[6.34am] SPY: JARMAN

[6.35am] SNIPER: The name’s ‘Sniper’ if you please.

[6.35am] MEDIC: No, your name’s Mick Mundy.

[6.35am] SCOUT: LOL

[6.35am] SCOUT: LOL

[6.35am] ENGINEER: LOL

[6.35am] ENGINEER: Well, dayum, partner.

[6.35am] SCOUT: LOL

[6.35am] ENGINEER: ‘Mick’ heheheh.

[6.35am] SNIPER: ...

[6.35am] SCOUT: LOL

[6.35am] SPY: Well done, Jarman, well done.

[6.35am] SPY: Or should I say ‘Mick’?

[6.35am] DEMOMAN: HAHAHAHA.

[6.35am] DEMOMAN: MICK MUNDY

[6.36am] DEMOMAN: HAHAHAH.

[6.36am] SPY: Oh look-

[6.36am] SPY: Demolition Man is sober. What a big surprise, isn’t it?

[6.36am] SOLDIER: He’s not a man! He’s a cross-dresser in a skirt!

[6.36am] SPY: Do you know what I have that you don’t?

[6.36am] DEMOMAN: What

[6.36am] SNIPER: Your virginity maybe.

[6.36am] SPY: A WORKING LIVER!

[6.37am] SPY: WHAT?

[6.37am] SPY: BUSHMAN.

[6.37am] SNIPER: Oh wait, I forgot.

[6.37am] SNIPER: He’s nailing the BLU Scout’s mom.

_Spy has left the group._

[6.37am] MEDIC: Sigh…

_**To be continued** _


	2. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who stole Sniper's koala?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back thanks to all the positive reviews I had. I was so pleased and happy! I mean, I'm relatively new to writing, I guess and so, wow. NUUUU. I WROTE SO LONG AND ACCIDENTALLY DELETED EVERYTHING. NUUUUU. I FRIKING GIVE UP- but here's a chapter :3

**[7.15am] SCOUT:** The eggs are really nice. Thanks, Engie.

 **[7.16am] MEDIC:** You will not use your phone at the table, Herr Scout.

 **[7.16am] SCOUT:** Aren't you using your phone too...?

((Damn, I give up on bolding))

[7.16am] SNIPER: Lol...

[7.16am] ENGINEER: Very funny, Spy

[7.16am] ENGINEER: Give Medic back his phone.

[7.16am] SCOUT: LOL

[7.16am] PYRO: Huddah! Huddah!

[7.16am] DEMOMAM: Huddah? Huddah? I-I-G-G-Y!

[7.16am] DEMOMAN: GET IT? HUDDAH? HUDDAH? WHO THAT? WHO THAT?

[7.16am] SCOUT: R U drunk, demo?

[7.16am] SCOUT: OH WAIT, OFC U R!

[7.17am] SCOUT: ahahahaha!

[7.17am] SNIPER: Lol...

[7.17am] MEDIC: Very funny, Herr Demo

[7.17am] ENGINEER: Spy, give Medic pal back his phone.

[7.17am] SCOUT: On the topic of jokes,

[7.17am] SCOUT: What did the Titanic say before it went down???

[7.17am] SNIPER: What?

[7.17am] ENGINEER: Uh

[7.17am] ENGINEER: See you all in Hell?

[7.17am] SPY: Copyright, Hardhat, copy right

[7.18am] DEMOMAN: Who took my Whiskey?

[7.18am] PYRO: HUDDAH HUDDAH.

[7.18am] SCOUT: It said - I NOMINATE ALL MY PASSENGERS FOR THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE!

[7.18am] SNIPER: Oh lol.

[7.18am] ENGINEER: That isn't something to joke on but it's funny,

[7.18am] ENGINEER: "son"

[7.18am]

SCOUT: DAMN YOU HARDHTA

[7.19am] SNIPER: *hardhat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the length. Read my author's note on the next chapter and I hope you'll understand.


	3. Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who taught Pyro how to use emojis???

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS. AFTER SIX MONTHS OR WHATEVER, I HAVE CRAWLED BACK FROM THE GUTTERS.
> 
> I'm sorry I left this work alone for half a year and please understand it was a very, very difficult time for me - bullying and shit and needing to see a counsellour but in the end not going for a single session...
> 
> But I have decided that god damn all of the bullies, (actually, have mercy on their souls), I'm just gonna keep moving and no one can stop me.

Group Chat: Official TF2 RED Team (Scout, Soldier, Pyro, Demoman, Heavy, Engineer, Medic, Sniper and Spy)

 

[03.45am] Pyro: (*≧▽≦)----!__! 

[3.45am] Scout: what u mean pyro. Use english pls 

[3.50am] Engineer: Pyro means its cooking breakfast 

[3.50am] Scout: jesus u type slow 

[3.50am] Scout: ditch the famcy grammar and tupe faster pls. 

[3.50am] Scout: At least u type faster than Sniper 

[4.15am] Sniper: OI 

[4.15am] Scout: See? 25mins and he only typed 2 letters 

[4.15am] Sniper: I was sleeping! 

[4.15am] Scout: K can bushman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ>>>
> 
> This chapter is extremely short because of one reason: this is meant to be a teaser chapter and to show all you people out there that I AM BACK and this is no longer on Hiatus and yada yada.
> 
> Therefore, the (lack of) length. I will come up with a new chapter soon. DON'T BELIEVE ME JUST WATCH.
> 
> And plus, I will continue the Sniper vs Spy series once this TF2 Chats is over. :D Have a great day!

**Author's Note:**

> Any flames will attract our dear Pyro who only types 'Mumbles' and he'd burn you.  
> OR we can don't put the flames to waste and use it to cook bacon for breakfast :D


End file.
